When last we left, Johnny Pandemic's grandson Burton had joined the household, while alien daughter Theory aimed for a record number of groundings, time-outs and troublemakings. And then things went all to heck.
The Pandemic family tree, plus extras:
- Johnny Pandemic, forever young, still going for that LTW (he's letting Theory monopolize the easel while he does other stuff)
- Burton Pandemic, Johnny's grandson, child of Johannes (Johnny's clone from the past) and Christal
- Keno Capello, son of Johnny's former teammate Crash Capello; Crash dumped Keno on Johnny to raise. Keno married his former babysitter Don and they adopted a boy named Chip. Keno's LTW is apparently to piss off his estranged dad as much as possible.
- Theory Pandemic, Johnny's daughter by aliens. Theory and Chip are semi-dating.
Okay, that seems to cover it. Onward!
Theory spends a lot of her teen years like this.
Burton is in the Firefighter career, which is actually all kinds of nifty. Burton has to maintain the fire engine and alarms and work out and stuff and then go rescue people.
His first actual fire! It's a pile of oily rags in a suspiciously empty and spotless garage. Hmmmm.
It takes hours to get anywhere on the island. I think if it took over an hour for a fire truck to arrive, the house would have burned to ashes. No, wait! They have Paragon City type building codes! That makes sense. The buildings are mostly fireproof, so it takes hours for them to burn down. Okay, we're good.
Holy cow, Kiwi Hale finally died! He was Keno/Crash's lookalike for ages and ages.
The island hadn't had a fire station until Burton needed one, and he was the first employee. Now some other employees are showing up and... oh no, it's Burton's crazy boyfriend Torrey Caldwell. D: I had Burton move in with Johnny to get him away from Torrey, who's insane and evil.
Their relationship has been drifting apart since then, but it's time to end this thing.
Of course it won't go over well. But I'm happy to report that there are no trash-can kickers in Sims 3, or at least none have yet hit the Pandemic household.
"I'm going to HAUNT YOUR DREAMS! Hsssssss!"
Yes, Burton's tired of this drama too.
And then I remembered that "good relationship with co-workers" is a requirement for promotions. Dang it. Actually, being romantic with a co-worker, which will get you in trouble in the real world, would probably make life easier in Sims 3. You can flirt and stuff while you're at work, make out, keep the relationship strong...
Aren't there any lights in the fire station? They do have video games and a small bookshelf, and a place for them to shower and sleep, so actually it's not bad. Burton will be OK, I think.
Theory is her own worst enemy.
Meanwhile, back home:
"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART!"
"Well, I am a genius."
"Oh yeah, well, you're, you're a big poopy dodohead! BAWK BAWK!"
Theory's insanity is problematic anyway, but she's also Hotheaded and Flirty and Clumsy. I haven't seen Clumsy in action except once when she stumbled, so it's not really an issue, but Insane/Hotheaded is real trouble. Johnny is constantly grounding her or putting her in time out.
"And then he DARED TO hey is that a paintbrush or, wait, you're my nephew, right? I think? Fudgenuggets, I'm constantly confused."
So is Burton, every time he tries to talk to Theory.
So Burton goes to the home spa and...
...plays with the ducky, which is adorable to watch. <3
Theory's LTW is max writing and painting skills, and she's doing well at both since I got her the Fast Learner perk and this is what she spends a lot of free time on.
Theory planted a whole bunch of pranks at one point, but because the house has 3+ bathrooms, most of them are avoidable. But not all.
"Beautiful, great pic of you reading. Now can you crack a smile?"
Johnny is actually boning up on new recipes, like Eggs Machiavellian, which appears to be eggs and watermelon of all things. I know it's not a real recipe, but still, those don't seem like they'd go together. Maybe that should be some weird Master Chef challenge?
Remember that Theory is Flirty? Well, she fell in love with Chip Capello at the prom, but she's hedging her bets with townie Adan Ritter. I'd think that being the crazy girl would scare away the boys, but what do I know?
The popup happens that Johannes is getting up there in years, so Johnny invites his clone-son over for a last day together. They actually got along better as adults rather than father and son.
"Hey, remember that time that...?"
"Yeah, I do."
They have a nice time talking and drinking wine, and Burton comes home and all seems to be going well.
"Hello, Burton. Just checking my bank account real quick while I'm here."
"Do you get a sense of foreboding?"
Then some hugs - there was a lot of hugging going on among the Pandemics today.
Huh, that's strange. Sims normally only do the derp face when they're aging u--
Dang, I guess it was a good thing I invited him over. D: At least the family got to spend a last, wonderful day with him.
"Jeez, I haven't been to this house ever, I think! Did that Johnny kid ever kick the bucket?"
"No! How can you take him from me! From all of us!"
"His time's come, kid. So is this Johnny or Johannes or Sylvanus or what? They all read alike on my DNA reader."
"Sylvanus? Who the hell is Sylvanus? GRANDPA! Get up here, Dad's dying, do something mad sciencey and make him better!"
Sadly, it is time for Johannes to move on. He will be missed.
"You weren't the most interesting child I've raised, but you were the first and you were a good boy and you gave me a fine grandson. Goodbye, Jo."
"Where's Theory? Not that I mind her not being here, but you'd think someone dying would be just her kind of thing."
Theory's outside talking to an alien woman who just showed up to make sure Theory wasn't writing a tell-all book about the aliens' plans.
Theory "spoke madness" and conspiracy theories and they all went over very well with the nice alien lady who's not related to her at all.
No, she's not hitting on the woman. It's just Theory's reputation, single-handedly keeping the island's tabloid history afloat.
"Nuts. I would've liked that alien to stay around longer. Maybe I should've invited her in. Nah."
(I don't know when this happened, or who with, but it's Theory's)
By the way, I didn't see an urn or marker or anything showing Johannes died there. Later on Johnny checked out the cemetery and there's nothing there either. Weeeeeird. And a little depressing, it would've been nice to go visit Jo as a ghost.
Burton is more forgiving of his niece.
Chip might have heard something. Or he got cold feet.
Both Burton and Johnny cried a lot over Jo's passing, understandably.
Even at work.
"He probably needs someone's shoulder to cry on. Anyone want to work on getting Burton a date?"
"Me neither. Who's up for a game of Hearts?"
As it turns out, someone else drops dead right there at the fire station. Remember last episode, when I pointed out the elderly lady firefighter? She died with her boots on, so to speak.
"Jeebus, another one?! What's happening? Am I some kind of cursed angel of death?"
Don't talk like that, Burton, your grandpa wouldn't approve.
"I can't stand it any more! My father dies, my coworker dies, who's next?!"
"Burt, do you need to take some time off?"
"Hi there, Crazy Torrey. I bet now you're glad he broke up with you, aren't you?"
"You said it, Death."
Well, she's not scaring them off too badly.
Oh, come on!
What else would nectar go with?
Christal stops by to talk to her father-in-law Johnny, who's blowtorching stuff while in his swimsuit.
They're both torn up about Johannes, though, so she doesn't hit on Johnny, and they commiserate.
"We can both get through this, Christal, I know it. Johannes had a good life with you and he'd want you to be happy."
(I hadn't seen the various console/cry on shoulder options, but then I haven't had a death in the family yet)
THE SECRET WORLD!
There's so much maintenance to be done at the firehouse, yet they can't replace the lightbulbs!
"So, you're the guy dating my aunt, huh? You're a brave man."
By the way, everyone's been collecting space rocks, since Theory eats them. But when the aliens come, guess who they're looking for?
"Gramps! Are you nuts? Get inside!"
Johnny, you dipstick.
Some hours later, Johnny returns and he's getting really tired of this. (Also, note the different alien eyes in the thought bubble.)
"My son died, my daughter's a weirdo, and I've been abducted again. What next?"
Never ask that, peeps.
You can't see the flames here, but they're here. Burton keeps getting promoted, just about every day. It's kind of nuts. His LTW is to rescue 30 sims from fire, so it'll take a while.
Here's a funny thing. Doors with the axe symbol have to be chopped down so the sims inside the house can get out. But the sliding glass door just opens. Burton actually ran around the house, went in the sliding glass door, and then went to chop down the front door. Also, you have to "convince sim to run" but they keep freaking out after you do that. But it counts, so, who am I to complain?
Well, hello sir! Do you need a fine hunky firefighter to rescue you? (The game decided Burton was gay, so I'll find him a new boyfriend.)
"Dude, you can get out by hopping the fence."
I also noted all the veggies, and later Johnny snuck out and raided the McGregors' garden.
Nicky Mills (the blond guy Burton rescued) shows up at a party that very night. Theory crashes the party with Burton and Johnny. Time for Burton to begin a new life with someone else, if possible.
Johnny looks good as always at these occasions.
He's experiencing some tummy trouble, though.
Which, c'mon, seriously? Everyone else I know complains that their sims have to get abducted multiple times to even get one alien baby. Johnny gets abducted twice and both times gets a free baby out of it. He's really damn fertile, I guess, but sheesh!
"Okay, this has got to stop. I'm not putting up with this again."
Hey, nice to see someone in the family doing well for once.
"OMG! You're the hunky firefighter who rescued me?"
"Why yes, I am! And let me say it was a pleasure to rescue you!"
(damn, Burton looks fine, in a midcentury sort of way)
"Theory? Why are you in here?"
"Gotta catch the season finale of Who Wants to Marry Mr. Wrong!"
I'm sure it's just a friendly hug.
Now here's the problem. Nicky is involved with someone else, but Burton's not getting any younger, and he's eaten all the life fruit Johnny had saved up. You know what? The heck with it. G'wan, Burton, go for him.
(In real life I would never advocate such behavior, but this is a game.)
Oops, there's Nicky's, uh, wife. She seems kinda old, doesn't she? Her hair is gray, isn't it? It looks gray to me. Weird. Anyway, she's not happy about Burton putting the moves on her man (and rightly so).
Look at the romantic options! One pickup line is "I'm a firefighter." Hee!
But after the party, Johnny, Burton, Theory and Nicky go out to eat together, even though some of them are getting pretty tired by 3 am.
"Mm, I hope they have some Polynesian hut devils! Or horseflies. Something crunchy with wings. I wonder if they'd be angry if I rooted around in their garbage cans?"
It went well!
Um, okay? Didn't she go with Chip Capello already? Well, whatever. Can't hurt to have alternates, especially with Chip running hot and cold lately.
Now it's Christal's turn to visit before her passing. They invite her over immediately after the pop-up, so they won't have a death in the house like when Johannes came over.
Johnny's a little thicker because of the alien pregnancy thing, but not too bad yet.
"Mom'll be here in just a minute. Anyway, Nicky's really into music, and he wants to write music for a living. Isn't that cool?"
"Well, that sounds nicer than that tell-all book your teenage aunt seems to think is fit to write."
"Oh, bite me, Dad."
"Hey, Chip! Thanks for coming over. I'll be out of high school soon, and then maybe you and I can tether the blimp. What do you say?"
"Can't we do it now?"
"It won't arrive until after graduation. But the best part is when the tether snaps and you get flung high into the air!"
"You weren't using a euphemism for sex?"
There are still plenty of gnomes. I just stopped keeping track or naming them.
Whew. They had a nice final visit with Christal and all went well.
Christal steps out the front door...
...and dies on their doorstep. O__O
Cripes, this place is a house of death. Or maybe it is Burton causing it.
"Theory, honey, you might not want to get too attached to Chip, if things keep going this way."
"That's okay, Dad, I have other options."
"Hey, Death. How's it hangin'?"
"Not too bad. Keeping pretty busy lately, you know how it is."
"Hey, at least you've got job security."
"And in a recession, too."
"Look, Johnny, not to put too fine a point on it, I'll be visiting some other relatives of yours soon, so it might be a good time to wrap up some loose ends. Don't tell anyone I said anything. I'd like it to be a surprise."
Then Death gets a picture of Johnny (as "the one that got away", possibly). There you have it, just as advertised: the cellphone of Death.
After Death heads out and Chip goes home, Theory tries to recover brain power by just... I don't know, making a personal trip to Woodstock or something. The space rocks do a way better job of it.
"Whaaaaa...? Aw, maaaaaannnn..."
Okay, gotta remember to invite Don over for a last visit too. And a possible death on the premises.
Johnny goes to one more party before he gets too preggo to be seen in public, and Crazy Torrey hits on him, to Johnny's disgust. That's Torrey's swimwear, btw.
Oh no! Keno's old! D: This is going to be the most death-filled episode ever.
Keno mooches right up to the very end. (No, he didn't die at the party.)
"You're lookin' beefier, foster-dad. Been putting away too many good meals, huh?"
And that's why Johnny won't leave the house until after the birth.
Wow. I've never had a flop novel before.
Oh, Keno... :/
Theory was right when she said she had options.
Athletic skill is needed for firefighting, naturally, and it turns out that chopping down doors helps boost it too. Go Burton Go! Also, why is Burton the only one ever out here? Often he's the only one at the station as well.
Finally the alien sprog is birthed.
Johnny has already sat through this movie, so he sends this one home for someone else to raise. It's a quick and painless process with only a minimum of space-warp distortion, and no greasy residue.
"A party. A birthday party. For me. Well of course I deserve it. And I should invite whatever relatives are still alive. Still alive! And when you're dying I'll be still alive!"
"And if Chip rejects me, I'll BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! And then ask Adan if he wants to frost the pastry."
30 sims to rescue for that LTW. Man, it'll take a while.
Still, he's getting steady promotions.
Oh crap! I missed Don's death day! :(
For those keeping track at home, that's four deaths this episode (Johannes, the firefighter lady, Christal, and Don).
Theory's birthday party time! Her alien dad shows up just to make Johnny uncomfortable.
Theory specified swimwear for her birthday party (they do have a pool!) and I had thought it was odd of Burton to wear boots and trunks, but Chip shows up the same way, so maybe what this generation wears on the beach. That makatea is hell to walk on, I understand. (Because I can't find a concise link - it's raised coral reef and tends to be very sharp, jagged and treacherous)
Burton tries to talk to Keno. See, Keno's not dead yet.
Well, enough of that. Nicky was also invited, so Burton takes a chance on this being a date.
Inviting Nicky to break up with his cougar(?) wife turns out to be surprisingly easy. And Burton gets another enemy! The first one, of course, being his ex-boyfriend.
Time for cake, mostly because I don't know how long these parties should last. I kind of miss the party timer from Sims 2. The guy in the white shirt is the maid.
Say what? She had such a miserable teenhood that I figured she'd get some random negative trait. And now I forget what I picked for her. Something that went with her personality though.
Theory then invites Chip upstairs to have a quarter-pounder at the Golden Arches. She's legal now. Chip agrees, after making sure that this time it is a euphemism for woohoo.
"Ohhhhhh yeah! Bow chicka wow! Who's da man? It's mah birthday!"
"It's MY birthday, you knuckleknob."
Chip did a hilarious "Oh yeah, I totally tapped that" strut all the way down the stairs and out the door and he went home. The end. Not even a goodbye kiss.
Once the cake is done, everyone else leaves, which means Nicky considers this date over. :(
It's another day before Burton can get Nicky to move in and start jumping the turnstile. They have enough bedrooms, this house is huge.
I like Nicky's LTW. This will be fun.
His traits. Virtuoso and Ambitious will work well with that LTW. Snob and Childish make him a diva, right? (Divo?)
(check out the "enemy" symbol!)
Theory somehow missed her own ceremonies, so she gets a late graduation. Everyone turns out for it. Johnny looks suspicious that she even graduated.
I guess she might have earned Valedictorian, but Most Popular?
TEN DAYS? Holy crap, that's practically all her young adulthood! Is any other moodlet that long-lasting?
"So, hey, hot stuff. You wanna picnic on the grass later?"
"Sure thing, green girl."
"What gives, Chip? Just because someone saw me on a date with the maid, and hanging out inappropriately with Adan, you think I'm a tramp? I'll have you know there are space hobos in my family and that's a grave insult!"
She tries mind-controlling him, too, but it doesn't seem to do anything that I can tell. And Chip seems really soured on their relationship now that he got into her pants.
Theory did write that tell-all book!
Pretty sure this was Chip.
Theory always suffers from colds and illnesses and allergies, so this isn't anything new.
I don't even want to know what she's doing to Adan, but he seems scared of her too.
"Dear, um, shoot, is this to Adan or the maid or Chip? I'll fill that in later. I quivered at the touch of your - "
(Theory, that's not how you use the computer to write a letter)
"The hell is going on here? Every time I need to pee, she's puking!"
Yes, you've probably figured out why Theory's always sick lately. She should've been voted "most likely to get pregnant right out of high school".
I don't know where this is, but it seems nice.
HE'S got issues? You both could fill a binder!
He got what he wanted, after all. >:(
Nicky moved in a while back, but it took a long time before he was willing to commit. When Burton gets the chance to propose, he jumps on it.
Then they have a quickie wedding before Nicky can change his mind. Though divorce seems really easy for sims. Look how easy it was for Nicky to divorce Rochelle.
Okay, this gnome is new. He's Blingaboo the hip-hop gnome. Word up, homies!
"The baby is mine? Oh jeez... are you sure?"
"There's a reasonable chance, yeah. I mean, Yes! Of course it's yours!"
"Oh jeez. What should we do?"
"Get married, doofus. My kid needs someone to provide for them."
"But your dad's rich!"
"Yeah, but I want to move out so I don't live under this thumb the rest of my life. You don't know what it's like, being a potato in a yam can."
This family could sure use this thing, huh? Too bad the magic is just a legend.
Keno will pass on, probably
Theory will have her baby and we'll find out who the father is
She might marry someone
And maybe Burton and Nicky will start a family.
After that, all bets are off, just like this episode was when I started playing.