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Someone else's movie review: Robo Vampire

Following link upon link, I eventually ended up at a blog called the Sci Fi Catholic, which sounded appealing to me for personal reasons. The first few entries were so-so, but that can happen with any blog, so I poked around until his review of the new Knight Rider show. The comments were great. The original link is here but I also took the liberty of cut-n-pasting the best parts below the cut, about a movie called Robo Vampire.

(Alternating entries are italicized)
"EegahInc, you copped out early, man. I know you have more endurance than this: you got through Mesa of Lost Women."

Okay, you got me. I had just picked up one of those 10 movies for $10 things and had the choice of toughing out the rest of a show I wasn't enjoying or watching Robo Vampire. Not a choice for me really (smiley face)

"Robo Vampire"? Is that a robot who's also a vampire (shades of "I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle") or a vampire who's also a robot? (Cyborg?)
Still sounds more appealing than the "Knight Rider" thing

I'm still trying to decipher the whole story of Robo Vampire, but it was basically about a guy who gets killed by Chinese hopping vampires and gets rebuilt as the worst looking Robocop ripoff you've ever seen. Completely awful, yet strangely more appealing than the new Knight Rider.

Ooh! I loves me some of them Chinese hopping vampires!
A vampire cyborg cop - thus melding the two box-office boffo concepts of vampire cop and cyborg cop! How could it fail?

I'm sure the movie's terrible, but how much would I lower myself in the eyes of readers if I said Robo Vampire has a great concept?
-D. G. D. Davidson

"I'm sure the movie's terrible, but how much would I lower myself in the eyes of readers if I said Robo Vampire has a great concept?"

Deej, I just stumbled across an online synopsis of "Robo Vampire", and the film is obviously worth it just for the tender love story encapsulated herein: I'd also like to point out that the ghost and gorilla-vampire are newlyweds, so this is not a gratutious sex scene - aren't you glad of that?

http://www.encyclopedia- obscura....obovampire.html

"A sex scene that is interesting is the gorilla vampire/ghost one. The honeymooners are about to consummate their marriage, and if you ever wondered what vampire/ghost foreplay is like, I can tell you right now. The ghost makes sensual moves with her hand, waving her lover toward her. The vampire, on the other hand, is flailing his arms around in all directions like he's falling off a cliff and desperately is trying to grab hold of some of the bushes growing from the wall. Suddenly, the recently repaired RoboWarrior crashes in on them, prompting the music to change from 'sensual softcore saxophone' to 'military drums'. I would just like to point out that you just read about a ghost and a gorilla vampire trying to have sex when they suddenly are interrupted by a robot out to get a drug lord. You will never read that again in any other context, so cherish this moment before it's gone."

The film sounds like it was the end result of splicing together a couple of different films; I think I read somewhere that this is a practice where a film is not finished for some reason (e.g. running out of money) so they decide to use whatever footage they've got, or it didn't do well at the box office, or for whatever crazy reason pops into the producer's head.

I laughed so much reading the synopsis, this reader at least will not look down on you (smiley face)

Just because the participants are married does not mean the sex scene isn't gratuitous.
-D. G. D. Davidson

Well, if we're going to have a gratuitous sex scene, I prefer if the participants are at least married.
To each other.
And I consider it in the light of showing that by consummating their marriage, the ghost and the vampire gorilla were demonstrating that they intended to fulfil their conjugal obligations and have lots of little ghost/vampires, that this wasn't just a marriage of convenience in order to distract the drug lord (or something).
Using vampires to guard your heroin stash - that's a genius idea!

Sorry, deej, didn't mean to derail the discussion on the new Knight Rider by bringing up Robo Vampire. Still, I guess if the new show was in any way entertaining, this wouldn't have happened.
As for the conjugal love scene, it is interrupted before any flesh (or fur) is bared. That's not to say the movie is nudity free, but it is sex free. At least the bargain bin cut I have is.

~ ~ ~
(mst3k tag is because of the bad movie connection)



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 13th, 2008 10:57 pm (UTC)
The comments and the description of the sex scene between the gorilla vampire and a ghost had me laughing so hard, I was crying. You have to wonder how on earth someone came up with this idea, and thought it would be a good idea for a story. XD And they were interrupted, to boot! Poor vampire gorilla; he finally gets a chance at getting lucky, only to get interrupted by a robot. Isn't that always the way it goes? :P
Oct. 14th, 2008 11:29 am (UTC)
You do start wondering if this movie was made while under the influence, don't you?
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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